I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
