well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
