I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
