Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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