Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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