are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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