just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
3 2 1 whiskey
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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