Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize