Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
