I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
