I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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