Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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