why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I stole a fireplace last night.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
