Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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