i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
