I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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