Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
