I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
