I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
