last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I am spending my child support on dildos
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
