it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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