best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
