If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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