so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
