Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Two words: nipple clamps
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