Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
