so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
