I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
