think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
