too bad you live with your parents still
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize