You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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