I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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