sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
