Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
