I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
