just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize