Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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