Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I lost the right to judge tonight
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
