I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize