that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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