we have officially lost it.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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