I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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