His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize