yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
