I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize