i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
