pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
