I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
