Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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