So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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