GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
He has the fingertips of a God
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