Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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