I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
