...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
