Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
