i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize