I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
