Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
