i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
