It's Friday. Sex?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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