I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
