I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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