official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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