That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
they're like a gay fantastic four
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
