mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize