By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
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