So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
