Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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