Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
