i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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