If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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