My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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