remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
