Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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