I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
