I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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