i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Watching her eat just hurts me
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
